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May 23 2018

cassandrapentayaaaaas:

Fic tag: slow burn

Me, cracking my knuckles: not if you read it fast enough

May 22 2018

elodieunderglass:

captainlordauditor:

venerabledreadnought:

captainlordauditor:

prairiedawn:

captainlordauditor:

i just think the world would be a better place if we would all take a bit of time to examine how we personally interact with stories

I, for one, am a complex network of interconnected stories stored on a meat based drive.

that is quite possibly the most terrifying way of describing a human but honestly same

That’s not scary. What’s scary is that you’re a ghost and a skeleton working together to Pilot fleshy power armor made by your mother

You know, I expected to regret making this post for entirely different reasons than I actually regret making this post.

The Discourse Derailed, 2018. 

collaborative art performed by collective

magellan-88:

3fluffies:

elfwreck:

darthstitch:

copperbadge:

obeechris:

wombatking:

constancebone-acieux:

Fic where all of the Avengers are trying to teach tech stuff to Steve (especially Tony who just gets so annoyed at his apparent tech incompetence) but he just seems super hopeless at it until one day one of them stumbles across a youtube account that’s filled with a series of videos titled ‘How Long Can I Keep My Friends Convinced I Have No Idea What Technology Is’ and it turns out he’s been gaming them for YT hits for months.

“How do I make the Google do the thing” has over 30 million hits alone. 

@copperbadge why is this screaming your name? :)

It works even better if you put it in a universe where they all have secret identities, so rather than Captain America conning, say, Hawkeye, it’s just some super built dude who for some reason (probably that he’s blond) is vastly underestimated by his equally anonymous friends. A debate rages constantly in the comments about whether that guy IS Tony Stark or just a ringer. 

a.  Steve’s username is brooklyn1917 and the top question he keeps getting is “Are you really Captain America?”   The other question is “Please tell us if you’re actually Chris Evans.” 

b.  Steve eventually makes a video to address these two questions.  Except he basically spends the video laughing for like five minutes and then just smiles this ACTUAL LITTLE SHIT GRIN and then goes, “No, I’m not Chris Evans.”  It drives his fans into a frothing frenzy.

c.  After the “How Do I Make Google Do The Thing” debacle, the next most popular videos are “How Do I Get My Email Through YouTube?” and “Why is My Email Not in My Mailbox Outside My Door?”  There are varying reactions among the Avengers for this.  Natasha’s “I’m Going to Kill You Very Slowly™” Face is terrifying.  Clint’s “There Is Not Enough Coffee In the World” Lament is priceless.  And Tony…. well.  Tony’s Rant is Lord of the Rings Epic with Fan Fiction thrown in.  

d.  Thor is the first person to figure out that Steve is a Little Shit™ and totally joins him on the Trolling.

e.  Bruce was the one who actually discovered the YouTube channel.  He was promptly bribed into silence by copious amounts of Sarah Rogers’ Patented Chocolate Fudge Magic Brownies™. 

f.  Bruce’s favorite video is the Instagram Saga, in which Steve Rogers Has Everyone Else Convinced That He Thinks This Is Really a Telegram Service. 

g.  Currently, Sam Wilson is about to be bribed into keeping silence and to aid and abet any and all shenanigans. 

h.  Peter Parker is one of Steve’s number one fans and is responsible for feeding Steve more ideas in his YouTube comments.

i. The one Steve had the most fun with was “Where Do I Light the Fire in the Microwave?” He destroyed three of them before the team forbade him to go near the kitchen. (There was also an incident with a toaster, and one of the three microwaves did a round in the dishwasher “to put the tiny waves back in it, now that I let them leak out.”)

Oh god this just keeps getting better and better.

I never can pass this lmao it just keeps getting better

thebootydiaries:

Me: why didn’t I get full points for annotations

English teacher: you just wrote “savage” every time Lady Macbeth spoke

comickit:

comickit:

reblog and he will protect you

this is a lot for one skeleton, so he has brought his friends to help

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fuck-customers:

Had this review written about me. Here’s the back story. Three girls, one orders a small chicken teriyaki bowl and asks for extra sauce. We give her three extra sides of sauce free of charge when usually it’s only one extra for free and the kitchen tells me we have to charge after this. I tell the girls, two of them say it’s fine, the girl who wrote this review started getting angry yelling “where does it say on the menu? You can’t charge for stuff that’s not on the menu” I explain it’s not a popular request so that’s why it’s not on the menu. But anyways like since when do restaurants HAVE TO give you anything for free?? Lol that’s up to the business anyways. She demands to talk to a manager. Well…this is a small business and the manager doesn’t come in till closing so I told her this and she called me a “lying bitch” and said she would ask another employee for the manager. I say “okay, you’re more than welcome to do so. I’m happy to take down your email/phone number and have the manager contact you as well” Then she says I’m being rude (though I’ve been calm and polite the entire time) and asks for my name and tells me she will write a bad yelp review. I give her my name and she goes “so you don’t even care??” And I reply “I have no issues with you sharing your perspective of your dining experience here ma’am.” Her not getting a rise out of me gets her angrier, she starts badmouthing me and the restaurant loudly. I don’t kick them out, I just drop off the bill so they don’t leave without paying. Her friends keep being polite while she is yelling and causing a big scene. It was so weird. If you don’t agree with your friend why are you letting her treat staff like this?

It was a terrible experience. She was rude to all my coworkers too and the worst part is I was the last server till closing and had a bunch of tables. I am a supervisor but I didn’t want to spend fifteen minutes arguing with this psycho over a .50 cent teriyaki sauce when I have so much other stuff to do.

The part that bothers me is the fact that she wrote this review obviously in efforts to get me in trouble. If I was a new employee she could have seriously gotten me fired and all over SAUCE. Why is it the servers fault that you don’t want to spend .50 cents for extra product but have no problem causing a scene?? My boss said next time she comes in we can refuse her service.

But unfortunately for her…everyone knows there’s no way I would behave like that to a customer.

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sugarandmemories:

We all want this. @ Marvel snap snap.

plantain-emoji:

May your next period be light and end quickly

A Warm Hug

yourplayersaidwhat:

Context: Playing a DnD one off. Our Ranger, Thomas, is dual wielding but is getting overwhelmed by enemies in front of him.

Wizard (Me): “I step up behind Thomas and cast Burning Hands (creates a cone of fire out of my hands), and I can also protect up to 2 people so he is protected.”

Paladin: “Oh I thought you were going to go up and like hug him by putting your arms under his and cast in front of him.”

Wizard: “… I like that better. Let’s do it!” *DM is laughing*

Thomas/Ranger: “I am holding my weapons aloft and now have two arms come around me and shoot fire. I look epic!”

query-kaiy:

alyesque:

littleone-shay:

alyesque:

It’s kind of fucked up when you realize the image of the quaint 1950s leave it to beaver family with the housewife and hard working husband is a propaganda model that had to be adopted to justify stripping women of their jobs they were able to get during WWII. Like women literally proved they could keep an industria wartime economy afloat without men and society had to craft some serious insidious shit to get them back into the home.

or how bout you let the 50s time be ya know.. the 50s??!! those were the times, thats what happened back then, you werent alive so you didnt have to go through it. stop living so much in the past and focus on today and the future thats ahead of you

Hey I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we have this thing called history, its like the study of the past. It lets us learn more about times when we weren’t alive so that we can understand what life was like back then and how it impacts us today. Because, I’m not sure if you have heard about this or not, but most experts agree that the past effects the present and shapes our values, beliefs, and customs today. Like a lot of 1950s ideals are still brought up today to justify all sorts of nostolgia that whitewashes racism in america.

But why am I arguing with an ageplay blog who is throwing down on “leave the 50s alone” like some sort of kinky chris crocker without the good taste in pop idols. 

Came for the history, stayed for the roasting

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elventiefling:

butyouarenotthesun:

elventiefling:

butyouarenotthesun:

elventiefling:

sometimes a descriptor is just that, guys: a descriptor

oh, goat?

PLEASE give me context for that

so, our party was traveling in a mountainous area and the DM mentioned there was a goat a little ways away, just a little scenery building. the party immediately spent the next (real-life) 20 minutes insight checking the goat, detecting magic on the goat, questioning the goat, ect. eventually the sorcerer ended up killing and eating the goat. DM was very exasperated.

oh my GOD

whenflowersfade:

avocadamnit:

aphoenixinwriting:

mrsmarymorstan:

kyrael:

gallifreyfieldsforever:

I sincerely believe that by 7th year Ravenclaws would just tell the door to their common room to fuck off and it would open for them

Q “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” 
A “You shouldn’t shove either up your arse.” 
“…Technically, yes.”

Imagine it, a poor First Year is waiting outside the common room, they can’t answer the riddle in a way to appease the eagle and must wait until someone else to answer it for them. It’s getting late, they’re starting to resign themselves to having to spend the night here. 

Suddenly, their saviour comes! It’s a seventh year! Back from a night finishing off their Araithmancy essay in the Library. They look angry, but our poor little first year squares their shoulders, waiting to see what will happen, and hope that they’ll keep the door open for them. 

The Seventh Year bangs the handle against the wall, and a slightly disgruntled voice asks the question again: “What is the truth?”

The Student Replies, “The Truth is that I am so fucking sick of all these mother fucking questions about stupid fucking topics like this you bloody fuck-witted bastard. Who in the name of Merlin’s saggy left testicle gives a fucking damn about all this shit anyway? I’ve been working my arse off in the library for the last seven hours now let me the fuck in or, truthfully, I’ll blast my way in and take you with me.”

The eagle knocker tutts, but allows the student entry anyway, and our little first year enters, eyes wide and in shock. They watch the seventh year go up to their bedroom, awe all over their face at their new hero. They did, indeed, learn something that day by waiting for someone to arrive, they learnt that swearing has a magic all of it’s fucking own, and that sometimes it is big and clever to use it. 

The only head canon I will ever accept. Its both perfectly witty and fantastically assholish

witty and fantastically assholish… pretty much quintessential ravenclaw traits right there

My favorite version of this headcanon is that there is one Ravenclaw who went all seven years by answering the riddles with some variation of “not a potato” and was only ever wrong once.

queenpantsu:

Me at 3 AM about to read a 20+ chapter fanfiction

whatmyhobbiteyessee:

Me: I wonder what will happen if I pick this dialog option.

littlemanicmonday:

Me: wow I’m way too attached to fictional characters

Me: *sees y’all send death threats to writers because you didn’t agree with their decisions*

Me: never mind I’m attached the healthy amount

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cumaeansibyl:

voidbat:

katdensetsu:

redscudery:

saunteringvaguelydownwards:

decemberpaladin:

sizvideos:

Video

I love how she almost drops it until she smells it and that flashbulb memory hits.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real … Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Notice she says “who” it was and not “what” it was.

Im crying

sobbing and clutching my stuffed lion i have slept with nearly every night for 33 years. i can’t fathom being separated from him long enough to not recognize him on sight, but if you blindfolded me and held up things to smell, i’d know him just as quickly and as hard as she did.

Video link is broken so here it is on YouTube, and I was already sniffling but then I saw this in the comments:

“The teddy bear was given to Jessica’s mother as a baby shower gift. After a long life, the bear was no more than part of head and a torn apart body with no stuffing. After a month of research and scouring through 10,000 vintage teddy bears online, Jessica’s fiancee was finally able to obtain the missing pieces of the bear, and had have him brought back to life at the local Teddy Bear Hospital.“

So that’s why she didn’t recognize him – he’d been so damaged that they had to reconstruct him. And now I’m crying even harder.

sauvamente:

thinkmillionsmakemillions:

robregal:

freeandformed:

freeandformed:

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you

  • it happened today, damn that was like 3 days maybe?

It Works the money is on its way!

Need this.

Of course

It worked tho

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